That’s So Cliché (and possibly something to consider)
“They don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” I don’t know who said it first, but I’ve heard it said more times than I can count. Of course, it refers to kids. And in my opinion, it’s something that educators and parents are well served to consider. The thing about Cliché’s is that they stick around. People are constantly repeating them, and other people are constantly rolling their eyes when they do. People say, “That’s so cliché,” as if being “so cliché” is a good-advice-deal-breaker. I think that most cliché’s stick around because there’s something to them. That’s not to say that each and every one should be taken literally and adhered to, but it might not hurt to consider them. It might be wise to take at least a bit of stock in sayings that people constantly repeat over the course of extended periods of time. I particularly like the one articulated at the start of this paragraph.
Yesterday I went to a baby naming. My mom came with me. At the ceremony, she caught the eye of an old friend. He caught her eye too. They were overjoyed to have an opportunity to catch up. Turns out, they were as close as siblings at one time. It didn’t take much to return to that closeness, even after several years apart. When my mom was coming up family, extended family, and people who quickly became extended family, by virtue of living together, almost exclusively populated her neighborhood. Through their shared interests, shared conditions, and shared humanity, people in “the old neighborhood” came together and cared deeply about one another.
When my mom introduced me to her surrogate brother from years ago, they were both almost teary eyed with sentiment and nostalgia. He told me a story about how my grandfather was “like a father” to him. He talked about learning hockey, and not just learning about the game, but learning about passion for the game. He made clear a distinct connection between his relationship with my grandfather (who passed before I had an opportunity to get to know him) and a shared enthusiasm for hockey, an enthusiasm that developed as a caring connection.
My mom told me about his mother, Aunt Nellie. She told me that Aunt Nellie was a businesswoman, and that she owned a shop. With a far-off look she went on to tell me that Aunt Nellie taught her how to “make a package.” I wouldn’t have thought that making a package was much of an important thing until I heard my mom refer to it in her recollection of Aunt Nellie.
The depth of caring, the joy of reminiscing, and the incredibly meaningful impact that hockey loving and making packages can have on a person’s life should not be overlooked as a powerful message as it relates to teaching and learning. The fact is, cliché or not, “they don’t care what you know until they know that you care,” and when they do…when they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you do, they care deeply.
As we prepare for the start of another incredible school year, I’m thrilled to have had the opportunity to experience the impact of such caring first hand, and several years later. My mom is a grown adult. The man she introduced me to yesterday is a grown adult. They’re both grandparents. They’ve both had decades of full and rich experiences in their personal and professional lives. Yet, I would guess that the stories they told me yesterday were stories of some of the most impactful experiences of their lives.
It’s critical that we put forth high quality instruction that’s purposely connected to curricular goals. It’s unwaveringly important that we design comfortable, accessible classroom spaces, which foster individual and collaborative learning. Our knowledge of best practices instruction is crucial to the fulfillment of our mission and the realization of our goals. However, I would suggest, that to scaffold it all, to build a foundation for everything else we do in our classrooms and our school communities, we must be authentically accessible to our students in ways that show how much we care about them.
I believe that even with everything else going on, we need to make the genuine development of relationships our main priority. Truly, the thing that means the most, and arguably has the greatest impact on teaching and learning, is the caring. Teach about your passion for hockey or making packages if that’s where the caring connections are found…the subject almost doesn’t matter. When caring is overt and authentic, it can be impactful immediately, and for the duration of a lifetime.
Live. Learn. Lead.
Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.