Tagged: New Admin

August 4, 2014

Looks Like She’s More of a Firecracker Than a Flower: Appreciating Every Child

We were at a great birthday party yesterday. These people have a beautiful home with a wonderful backyard, holistically suited for play and exploration. They have extensive gardens, one of the coolest tree houses I’ve ever seen, a garage filled with amazing toys, and tons of toddler equipment (like slides and plastic play houses).

I was with the younger two, because my wife and the big guy were at a bouncy house party across town. This summer has been so jam-packed with big kid and toddler birthday celebrations that occasionally we have to split up the team. Our social calendar could be sponsored by Oshkosh B’gosh. Anyway, as we approached the amazing backyard from the driveway, both my three-year-old’s and my one year-old’s eyes lit up! Not unlike many other little kids, these two absolutely love playing…it’s among their favorite things to do!

It was as if the rest of the world disappeared. Nothing existed but the utopic backyard. Cool…they were both off to the races. What followed was a couple of hours of nonstop, back-and-forth daddy-running in an effort to make sure that neither of them ended up with more than scraped knees and minor bruises. There were a few shrieks of pain, a couple of extended hugs (my favorite), some sniffley nose wipes, but all in all we came out relatively unscathed. A good day of enthusiastic exploration and play!

Here’s the thing though, there were a whole bunch of wonderful organized activities going on during the party, none of which seemed interesting enough for either of my two wild-childs (“children” doesn’t work here) to engage in. At first I felt kind of bad as the hosts repeatedly, but to no end, reminded us, “It’s story time,” or, “It’s snack time,” or, “It’s activity time.” I shared multiple slanted smiles, and eventually I explained that these two were not programmed to stand still for more than forty seconds at a time. In no time at all, I stopped feeling bad. Personally, I would have loved to sit for story time! Not them though…they were playing, and they were going to continue playing. Both of my little whippersnappers were completely flushed and dripping with sweat, it was all I could do to get them to stop every once in a while and sip on some water. I just glad they didn’t pass out. We had some wonderfully concentrated rest time when we got home.

And now the punch line. At one point the other kids were dressing up in light, colorful, swaths of fabric and pretending to be flowers. It looked really fun! The facilitator (our local librarian) was playing music from the nutcracker and the kids were gracefully moving around on mats, pretending to grow and bend in the wind. While the lovely cluster of anthropomorphic flowers was floating around on whimsically on the driveway, my daughter was in the garage banging a badminton racket against the wall, stomping her feet, and making grunting noises. It was actually quite rhythmic and impressive. I thought, “Maybe she’ll be a percussionist!” It was more of what seemed like some sort of tribal expression that the delicate ballet happening a few feet away, but I liked it. It was cool. She was thrilled with herself and grinning from ear to ear with a, “look what I can do Daddy,” expression on her face. I clapped and smiled.

One of the nearby mom’s leaned over to another just within earshot, and with what I’m assuming were good intentions (thank you Dr. Covey), she whispered, “Looks like she’s more of a firecracker that a flower.” She couldn’t possibly have known how right she was!

From an educational leadership perspective, it called to mind the importance of recognizing that some kids are flowers, some kids are firecrackers, and most kids exist along a spectrum of all kinds of combinations & in-betweens. I’m so proud of my little firecracker! And by the way, I’ve seen her be a delicate and lovely flower too. I know that her incredible enthusiasm and zest for life is going to propel her to heights beyond any of our wildest imaginations. I appreciate that parent reminding me to always look at every child with wonder, amazement, and pride. Let’s always remember that each child is someone’s firecracker, someone’s flower, or someone’s something else! When children are in our care, it’s supremely important that we recognize, appreciate, support, and encourage them in individualized, compassionate, and comprehensive ways!

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

August 3, 2014

No One is Only One: Recognize, Appreciate, & Encourage Complexity

Yesterday I got to spend the evening at the park with my three munchkins. A high energy and wonderful way to go that helped us all sleep soundly last night. I love watching these siblings play together! It’s amazing how my 1yr old daughter keeps up with her brothers. I cant help thinking about the song lyrics, “Anything you can do I can do better,” when I’m watching her kick up dirt while scampering along after the two big guys who are rounding the bases following an imaginary home run. This little girl is tough! She’s also sweet, and smart, and sometimes shy, and curious, and all kinds of other things. She’s complex.

Then there’s my 5yr old. When he heard that we were going to move from the playground to the field so that we could eat our picnic dinner under one of the shaded tents, he shot off in a full on sprint. This kid can run. In soccer, he doesn’t seem to realize that the ball is supposed to go with him, but he’s by far the fasted one on the field. And his excitement over running is palpable. It’s almost like a turbo boost goes off. His face purses up, his arms get going even before his little knees bend, then he shoots of like the road runner with a cloud of smoke lifting off the ground behind him.

Yesterday he bolted into the filed like he was chasing a gigantic cookie (the kid likes cookies…what kid doesn’t?). All of the sudden, as if the gigantic cookie grew fangs and pounced on him, he let out a scream to beat all screams. His pursed, excited look had been transformed into a face flushed with absolute terror. Remember when you were little and a sibling jumped out from behind a wall, and then shouted, “Boo!” Remember the rush of adrenaline and terror as you writhed in petrifying shock? That’s what it looked like.

I said, “What happened?” I thought maybe a bee sting, a rabid squirrel attack, who knows? He shook and shouted, “It was chasing me!”

“What?” I asked with compassion.

“A butterfly!!!” He shouted. He then compassionately turned to his little brother who was on his way into the same field and shouted, “Be careful of the butterflies!!” Good looking out.

Knowing this child, it didn’t surprise me that he was susceptible to the terrifying advances of a rouge butterfly…he’s cautious let’s say. He’s also really thoughtful, he’s as smart as they come, he’s creative, he’s loving, and all kinds of other things. He’s complex.

Earlier in the day my 3yr old saw me doing some landscaping. I had work boots on, I was dirty, I had all kinds of related tools, and I was focused on the task at hand. He asked me, “Daddy, why are you a worker?” He saw my outfit and my actions and connected those things to people he’s seen working in ways similar to the way that I was at the time. He wanted to know what his daddy was at the moment. Was I the guy whoes tie he helps take off in the evening, or am I the guy who’s digging in the dirt?

Later, he was lying on my chest. We were just staring at each other making faces and laughing. This is a kid who rarely sits still. If he’s awake, he’s typically moving. He’s loud and fast and not terribly gentle. He typically leaves a line of broken lamps and falling picture frames in his path. But when it comes to staring, making faces, and laughing, he can sit still for a while. A few minutes in he asked, “Why do you have hair in your nose (a question that should be reserved for a kid and his dad)?”

I thought for a moment, and then started, “Because I’m….”

Then he chimed in, “…old?” I suppose that’s part of it.

He’s wild at times, he’s calm at times, he insatiably curious, and he’s energized and excited at times. I’m old at times, I’m young at times, I’m a worker at times, I’m a thinker at times, and sometimes I’m all kinds of other things. We’re complex.

People are complex. Complexity is like individualized diversity. As parents and educational leaders I feel strongly that we should be working hard to recognize, appreciate, and encourage complexity in ourselves and in those we serve. All too often we’re pigeonholed. We sometimes speak in generalities and finalities, even though we know that all people have the ability to change as we grow. And even though we know that we are each much more than meets the eye.

To throw one more in…we should not be judging books by their covers. Let’s give everyone in our lives the benefit of the doubt. Let’s not worry about complexities that seem worrisome, but instead, let’s be thoughtful about them, and consider how they relate to positive progress. Let’s view them simply as aspects of personalities and portions of abilities, as opposed to defining and unwavering characteristics. Let’s work to identify the strengths that are implicit in our complexities, and let’s celebrate that each one, butterfly sensitivity and tough little sister-ness alike, can contribute to our individual and collective learning and growth in miraculous ways!

Dream Big. Work Herd. Be Well.

August 1, 2014

I Thought She Said, “Baby Shoes.” Reviving Communication Breakdowns

Yesterday afternoon I spoke with a good friend for the first time in a long while. We had been extremely close for several years, but then I moved to another city, got married, and started having babies every twenty or so months (technically my wife has been having the babies, but it’s kept me relatively busy nonetheless). Anyway, my friend and I hadn’t talked for a really long time and it was great to catch up. It reminded me of how important it is to touch base every once in a while…regardless of how busy life gets. This friend is practically a sibling, and with modern technology, it’s super simple to reach out…a great lesson for me to remember – take the time to connect with people that you care about!

Regardless, our conversation was going fine. We were doing the whole, “What’s new?” thing. “Are you still ‘yada, yada,?’” and “Have you seen ‘so and so’ lately?” Turns out she’s become involved in a really cool non-profit project that offers free tax services to families in need and runs personal finance training programs for kids in inner city schools. It sounded really exciting. I was glad to hear that things were moving along smoothly. Kids are great…husband’s happy…all is well!

Then it happened. She told me that she had been taking some fashion classes at night, and that she is in the process of designing her own line of bathing suits…only I thought that she said, “baby shoes.” As you know, there’s a big difference between bathing suits and baby shoes. I’ve had all kinds of babies at my house, and I never noticed them wearing shoes. Socks that looked like shoes maybe, but not shoes. It could be that my babies aren’t fashion conscious. Besides, who am I to question someone else’s ambitions? Even if my babies didn’t/don’t wear shoes, I’m sure baby shoes exist. Maybe there’s a big group of baby shoe consumers looking for fresh new designs. Who knows? So, I made a, “there’s a real gap in the infant tap dancing shoe market” joke, and went on about the tiny little cows that baby shoe makers get their leather from. We had a few laughs, I told her that it all sounds very exciting, and we went on with our catching up.

As the conversation came to a close I wished her well and expressed my utmost confidence that her baby shoes were going to be the absolute best on the market. She paused for a moment, and then she cracked up. Through the cracking up she called me a few off colored but endearing names, and then she clarified, “BATHING SUITS…I’m making bathing suits, not baby shoes!” Oops. Didn’t I feel silly? Yes I did. We laughed some more then wrapped things up. Good times.

The point is this, when you’re a person dealing with people…you’re dealing with the potential for all kinds of communication challenges. As fate would have it, I happen to be a person, and I deal with people all of the time. Yesterday I had a relatively comprehensive conversation with someone about the design and manufacturing of baby shoes, only the person I was talking to had no idea why. Two people fully engaged in a conversation with one another but also on two very different pages. Goofy when you’re talking to your friend, but maybe more significant and impactful when you’re talking to stakeholders in your school community.

From an educational leadership perspective communication is absolutely critical to positive progress. The baby shoe mix-up wasn’t such a big deal. It led to a few good laughs between two old friends. As I mentioned above, it’s extremely easy to miscommunicate when you’re a human being, communicating with another human being; in large part because as you might recall, and with all due respect…human beings are fallible. Sometimes we literally don’t hear so well (especially when we’re hearing though technology), sometimes we’re distracted, and sometimes we fall into an influential paradigm that might be well served by a bit of open-minded shifting.

That said, below are a few simple strategies that have served me well in the past. Through practice and the commitment to ongoing reflective, analytical, and adaptive efforts, I’ll be working to recall and perpetuate them in the present and the future. As an educational leader I can never spend too much time working to enhance my communication skills!

Assume good intentions (thank you Dr. Covey):

This is an oldie but a goodie, and I think that it truly holds up in every school communication situation. If good intentions do exist, assuming them enhances the communication by reducing the chance of alternate and possibly negative perceptions. If good intentions don’t exist, assuming them still keeps the communication positive. Assuming good intentions doesn’t mean being naïve or been taking advantage of, it simply means searching for pathways to positive progress in every communication. It means looking on the bright side. It means being compassionate. It means believing that regardless of energy or attitude in any given moment, that everyone in a school community has the wellbeing of children in mind.

Remember that everyone is someone, and that everyone is also someone to someone else (it makes sense to me):

Whether you’re talking to a student, a parent, a colleague, or anyone else, try to remember that people authentically cares about their own thoughts, ideas, and wellbeing, and that he/she is also cared about by someone else. We should be working hard to make sure that every interaction we have suggests respect and value. In other words, when you’re engaged in even the most challenging communication situations possible, consider how you would talk to your mother, your children, or your spouse about it. Again, the person you’re talking to is someone to some else.

Never communicate emotions digitally:

Talk about the potential for miscommunication! When things get heated…offer a phone number or an appointment book. Use e-mail and other digital communication formats for the distribution of information. Use voices and presence for the rest. Trust me.

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” (Thanks again Dr. Covey!):

When I thread my communication through the focus of my students’ safety, comfort, joy, and achievement, it usually goes well…even through challenges. As parents and educational leaders, we should never forget why we’re here, and each of us must always keep our eye on the ball!

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

July 31, 2014

Got Joy? Find, Collect, & Communicate it.

I’m frequently asked how I have time to engage in the volume of reflective writing that I do, given everything else going on in my life. Typically, someone who has just as much or more going on in his/her life asks me. In fact that’s always the case. Actually, I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t have as much or more going on in his/her life as I do. Seems like the way life is. Maybe it’s just the circle of busy learners, parents, educators, and other dedicated, hard working professionals that I run in. Regardless, my answer remains the same: reflective writing is one of the things I have going on. It’s an essential part of the mix that I could not do without.

Reflective writing is one of the primary activities that perpetuate positive progress in my life, both personal and professional. It’s among other essential activities, processes, and ideas that combine to make me whole. How do I have time to breath? How do I have time to eat? How do I have time to sleep? I’m not sure. I simply do, and in fact, in order to function, I must.

I feel the same way about Joy. Joy is as essential an ingredient in my positive progress as reflective writing or anything else (maybe even more essential). I believe with conviction that it has a powerful positive impact on others as well.

I view joy as a sort of container in which many other ingredients live. In my mind (and in my life), Joy is something like a smoothie. There might be bananas, blueberries, yogurt, milk, protein powder, and whatever else inside, but when it’s blended well, they each become part of one thing…the smoothie. For a smoothie to exist, all of what’s inside of it has to exist too. One cool thing about smoothies is that there are many kinds. In fact, smoothies can be personalized in just about any way you can think of. What would you put in a smoothie?

Similarly, there are many kinds of joy. Joy doesn’t necessarily mean jumping up and down, screeching with excitement, and wearing an uncontrollable perma-smile that starts at one ear and ends at the other. Certainly, that sounds joyful, but again, it’s just one kind of joy. It’s the “over the moon, psyched out of your mind, can’t contain your enthusiasm” kind of joy. It’s a good one. There’s also the “serene, sipping a cup of coffee at a campsite early in the morning when everyone else is asleep, watching the sun come up over the lake” kind. There’s the “slightly scary but awe-inspiring becoming a dad for the first time” kind. There’s lot’s of kinds; to many to list; to many to know.

There are loud kinds and there are quiet kinds, there are fast kinds and there are slow kinds, there are gigantic kinds and there are tiny kinds. There are all kinds of kinds. We share and can identify with some of the kinds, and then there are those kinds that will forever be unique to certain people. Each individual has some of his/her own kinds. And while one person may not recognize why a kind works for someone else, each kind is just as meaningful and important as the next. I don’t like strawberries in my smoothies but I know people who do. In fact, I know people who love strawberries in their smoothies.

As a parent and an educational leader I think that a good step in perpetuating cultures of positive progress (a common goal among the group) is to find, collect, and communicate the joy that exists all around you. It truly is everywhere. Parents get it from things like watching their kids grow, kids get it from things like playing, reading, and pretending, and teachers get it from things like learning, collaborating, and even finding brief moments to relax (occasionally). Where do you find it?

My advice is to think about that, and to work hard at putting different kinds of joy ingredients together as frequently as possible. There are so many ways you could approach it. How about a joy ingredients bulletin board in your classroom or in the front hallway of your school? Kids, teachers, parents, and anyone else who feel so moved could write, post pictures, display art, or communicate the kinds of joy they feel in various other ways.

How about compiling classroom joy cookbook? You could work with your students on their conceptualizations of joy and have them identify and submit some of their joy ingredients every time they feel some joy? You could build some great joy recipes recipes, and then…you could use those recipes to design an intentional, connected, and enhanced culture of joy over the course of the year.

I’m certain that you can think of dozens of other ways to identify and celebrate joy in our school community and in your home. My suggestion is that simply by doing so you will promote and perpetuate a joyful culture of positive progress. People will feel better, learn better, and be better, which is good for kids…and as we all know, that’s the intended outcome of everything we do!

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

July 29, 2014

Inspire…If Only One

Wow what an incredible day and a truly inspirational experience at the Culture of Learning Chat to Action conference in Swartz Creek Michigan! I’m thrilled to have met and joined up with this incredible group of educational leaders, thinkers, and doers! From the first moments of this wonderful conference I was fired up! The information was great, but I have to report that the primary source of inspiration for me was the energy. It was awesome and true to form that the organizers, the speakers, the presenters, and the participants created and sustained a palpable culture of learning. There was singing, there was dancing, there was silliness, there was laughter, and there was fun. It was made clear that we would learn by taking risks, and that through those risks, laden as risks are with the potential for challenges and even failure, that we would continue to move forward in a positive direction no matter what…and we did!

First I went to Garnet Hillman’s session on Standards Based Learning. Talk about energized and informed! Garnet did an incredible job of bringing me up to speed on a concept that I knew very little about, and that I’m now inspired to explore further. By the way if you don’t follow Garnet on Twitter and read her blog you should start right away (@garnet_hillman & garnethillman.com). After the morning session I enjoyed further inspiration from the various chats, speakers, and interactions with many Twitter PLNpals who I rarely, or never get to see in person. It was great getting together with this group!

As lunch approach I began getting growing excited my session. I was on at 1:10pm. My topic was blogging through a framework of intentional reflection as a mechanism for ongoing learning and growth. I was psyched! It’s something that I’m passionate about. It’s something that I believe in. It’s something that I love to share with anyone who wants to share it! I set up my tech, I visualize, I ran through the slides and thought again about my content, and I waited with excited anticipation.

When the time came I stood at the door to greet people. One after the next they walked past. Many of them said hello, many of them made reference to my blog and told me how much they enjoy reading it. There was a tremendous amount of sincere enthusiasm over the work I’m doing. I was humbled, flattered, and thrilled to hear it. Sill, they continued walking. As the start time approached, I noticed that only about ten or so people had stopped. Not what I had visualized. My initial thought was, “it’s not going to be easy to fire up a large room filled with only ten or so people.” My second thought was, “What does easy have to do with learning and growth?” Nothing.

I did have to regroup though. I panicked a bit. When I present to lots of people there are always at least a few who absorb and appreiciate what I’m getting at, and even if it’s only a few, that “getting it” provides me with a workable energy. What if no one got it? What if I couldn’t fire them up? What if I bored them to death? Ironically one segment of my presentation today was about how life ain’t easy, and how through a commitment to intentional reflection we can face that lack of ease in ways that perpetuate learning and growth. I knew that regardless of numbers, we could enhance each other’s lives and drive positive progress over the course of the next hour. I knew it, and while this is slightly uncomfortable to admit, I was having trouble working with it at first. I was nervous. In those first few moments I couldn’t quite embrace the incredible opportunity I was facing (something I’m working on through a commitment to reflection as a mechanism for ongoing learning and growth:).

My thoughts uncontrollably turned again to, “How the heck am I going to fire up only ten or so people in this big room?” I’m sure it was written on my face, I’m sure it was evident in my voice, and I’m guessing that the beads of sweat rolling down my brow didn’t help. I didn’t recognize myself for a minute. Where was the passion? Where was the confidence? Where was the belief that every moment holds limitless opportunities for inspiration? I wasn’t going to inspire anyone gripped with nerves and distracted from my purpose.

But wait, here’s the rub, here’s the learning, and here’s the wonderful part of such experiences…I was being faced with a challenge, and I love challenges! Suddenly, I snapped out of it and realized that this was actually an opportunity for me to model exactly the concept that I was about to suggest to my ten or so colleagues. I turned to the nice folks sitting quietly at the big round tables in that gigantic room. While they didn’t physically fill the space quite like I might have hoped, they certainly filled it with a collective eagerness to learn! I knew for sure that someone would be inspired before the end of this hour, even if that someone was going to have to be me!

I’m happy to report that I was inspired! I was inspired by the enthusiastic and insightful participation of the incredible educators who shared their hour with me. One piece of my reflective process that I walk them through this afternoon is the importance I place on recognizing connections in each moment of my life, and then working hard to integrate those connections into my reflective practices through a lens of my priorities and core values (my reflective foundation). Today the ten or so of us brainstormed some connections to leadership and learning as related to some moments that I had captured. Below are some of the moments and inspired leadership and learning ideas that came out of that portion of today’s session.

BOY WITH A BUG WATCH:

Learning does not need to be boring.

Tools can make learning more interesting.

You can learn something by looking closely at anything.

We are each fascinated by things that interest us.

We should each take time to see things from multiple perspectives.

MARCHING IN THE RAIN:

There can be happiness even in the rain.

It’s fun to take a natural shower.

It doesn’t matter if you get wet.

Embrace your climate whatever it brings.

Not all days are sunny.

Not everyone will always approve of what you’re doing.

SLEEPING IN A SWING:

Kids can literally play themselves to exhaustion.

Sometimes we all need a break.

Being in a comfortable place is comfortable.

One reason that play can be so tiring is the growth it perpetuates.

HOT DOG CLIMBING STAIRS:

Sometimes role-playing can help kids take risks.

Pretending is fun and a good way to learn.

We don’t always mind when the attention is on us.

It’s okay to be very enthusiastic about something.

READING DURING RECESS:

Books are open doors to our imagination.

Following the crowd is not always the best thing.

Educators must make space/opportunity for introverts.

Our highest priorities are not going to be interrupted.

So there it is, just some of the inspiration that came out a situation that initially struck me as challenging almost beyond repair. In hindsight, it couldn’t have happened any other way, and I’m glad it didn’t. It reminds me that if only one person leaves any given experience inspired, that experience is well worth while…even if the only one is me! Later, after attending an inspiring session led by the incomparable teacher/writer/ed leader, Starr Sackstien (a must follow/read @mssackstein & starsackstein.com), Starr reminded me that if only ten or so students showed up on a snow day, we would still work to facilitate and engage in an inspirational day of learning. Indeed!

What a gift that I can follow today’s work with a connected reflection. I truly appreciate the opportunity have been involved in this incredible event, and I’m writing now as an extenuation of the culture of learning that we all worked hard to create today. As I focused on in my session, I am wholeheartedly committed to intentional reflection as a mechanism for learning and growth, and today’s experience is a real-time example of why. Looking forward to next year’s conference and many #COLchat sessions in between (Monday nights from 9-10pm eastern)!

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

July 26, 2014

The Enthusiastic Sharing & Celebration of Discovery in 3 Simple Steps

For those in parenting and education there are few things more exciting than discovery. We love to be around when light bulbs go off over our children’s heads. In fact, we love to be around when light bulbs go off over anyone’s heads. We get excited about learning and growth, and excitement over learning and growth tends to perpetuate more learning and growth. People of all ages like to know that their individual journeys have value. The initial personal excitement over discovery is wonderful, but to my point, it’s amplified by opportunities to share, especially when that sharing turns out support and encouragement.

One reason people excitedly say things like, “Hey, check this out,” or, “you’ll never believe what I just saw,” or even, “did you know that…” is because sharing our discoveries is fun! Also, it helps us retain the connected learning in meaningful, accessible, and functional ways. Individual and collective enthusiasm for discovery is something that I would confidently refer to as “good stuff” (an endorsement, if you will).

So what? So, as parents and educators we have the ability to create and perpetuate cultures in our homes and school communities that foster the enthusiastic sharing and celebration of discovery. We can design and implement systems and structures that promote it, encourage it, and that effectively expose its ease and *fun-ness. And good news, we can do it in three simple steps.

1. Model the enthusiastic sharing and celebration of discovery.

I’m a strong advocate of authentic, unabashed, and even excessive modeling as a wonderful first (and ongoing) step in any focused initiative aimed at culture-development. My boys and I have been deeply digging “Velma Gratch and the Way Cool Butterfly” as a staple of our bedtime literature lately (an awesome book about the realization of self worth by Alan Madison (author) & Kevin Hawks (illustrator) – click the link above for more). There’s a brief illustrated caterpillar glossary at the front and a brief illustrated butterfly glossary at the end. We can no longer leave the house as anything but butterfly hunters. All I had to do was make the connection one time. Frankly, these imagination-hounds probably would have done it without any help at all (but I would still push modeling as good practice…a fall back to the powerful creative drive and pure imagination of children).

We have a butterfly bush in front of our house (it’s more of a plant, but extremely convenient for butterfly hunters). One day I saw what looked to me like a Tiger Swallowtail (as identified by the Velma Gratch glossary). I beckoned and hushed the boys with the focus and severity of Jane Goodall patiently prowling through Gombe Stream National Park in search of chimpanzees. I whispered, “Shhhh,” and pointed with wide, discovery-struck eyes (and my pointer finger). I whispered again, “I think it’s a Tiger Swallowtail.” My three-year-old screeched, “Momma! It’s a Tiger Swallowtail!”

The would-be Tiger Swallowtail leaped from her perch on the bush (plant) and flew away. What can I say…the kid is a formidable screecher. Regardless, no outdoor moment goes by in our little family without an excitement for discovery. And it’s not just butterflies. We love finding, observing, naming and occasionally attempting to handle worms, ants, roly-polies, bumblebees, and all other forms and fashions of thrilling little-kid wildlife. I model it, my wife models it, the kids love it, we all celebrate it, they function in a paradigm where books can stimulate learning and discovery, and we’ve seen that awareness transfer across a spectrum of subjects. As suggested above, I think it’s good stuff.

2. Discuss the enthusiastic sharing and celebration of discovery.

When we overtly recognize and articulate the things that we’re doing, and the reasons behind those things, we stand to generate a mutual and widespread understanding of those things; risky, but arguably worthwhile for parents and educators. Besides, making our intentions and our actions clear through discussion invites feedback, and when we’re really lucky, it invites critical input for adaptation and development. What happens when you approach a student, a teacher, or a parent, and sincerely ask, “Have you discovered anything exciting lately?”

Sometimes, they have, and you’ve given them license to share it by asking. Sometimes, nothing comes to mind, and you’ve given them cause to think about it. Only very rarely to they respond with, “How dare you ask me that!” In fact, in all my years I’ve never heard of that happening…and I’m old. Try it and find out. You might find that it drives meaningful conversations. Furthermore, you might find that the more interest you overtly express in enthusiastic discovery, the more rooted it will become in the culture of your home or school community. I have.

3. Embed the enthusiastic sharing and celebration of discovery into systems and structures.

On the subject of roots, if your interested in fostering a culture of enthusiastic sharing and celebration of discovery, create systems and structures that encourage it. What about “Discovery Friday,” where everyone actively seeks new learning to communicate with one another about every Friday? How about holding a brief town hall assembly, or making brief rounds to every classroom, soliciting news regarding each week’s discoveries? Why not consider a “Discovery Gallery” at the front of the building or on the refrigerator at home? Kids could articulate their discoveries through photography, writing in multiple genres, drawing, or various other forms and display them for the world to see! And if the world can’t see them from your breezeway or your kitchen, why not put a rotating “Discovery Slideshow” on your website, blog, Facebook page, etc.? Or, you could shoot out a “Discovery Tweet Of The Day” if you’d like?

You’re a parent, you’re an educator, and I’m supremely confident that you can think of some fun and creative ways to structure and systematize the enthusiastic sharing and celebration of discovery in your home and school community. My suggestion here is that the sooner you get on it, the soon it will impact positive progress for you and for those you serve.

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

*Fun-ness might not be a legitimate word, but I liked writing it…it was fun.

July 24, 2014

Finding The Time

Last night my wife went out with the girls (a rare occurrence now a days). With everything going on in our lives right now, she hesitated to accept the invitation. The idea was, what multitude of things could she/should she have been doing instead of relaxing with a group of friends that she hadn’t seen in a while. It was clear that the relaxing was a good idea. We don’t make time, we don’t find time, we don’t even lose time, we’ve been gifted time, and we are each responsible for choosing how to spend it. Relaxing, recharging, socializing, and stepping away from the daily barrage of responsibilities that comes with running our home and keeping the cogs of our growing family interact was the right thing for my wife to do last night. A few hours can go a long way. She should do it more often.

I write for at least a half hour every day. There’s so much else to do. Occasionally I’m brushed by a wind of anxiety as I sit down knowing that the next half hour will be occupied by writing (less and less as the habit continues to build and the benefits continue to show). But it’s been so wonderful for me. For me, writing allows the learning that I do to unfold in meaningful ways. I don’t have tons of space in my brain (it’s good to know one’s limits). Daily reflective writing allows me to process the multitude of stimuli I’m regularly flooded with, it helps me do some analysis and embedding of concepts and/or concerns that need addressing, it perpetuates my work toward solidifying solutions and/or pathways to next steps, it remind me of how the path I’m treading relates to the values I hold dear, and it functions as a wonderful tool in my efforts to augment the path when I slip, trip, or temporarily lose my way. Writing forces me to be mindful of what’s important in my life. Spending at least thirty minutes each day doing it pays dividends like I wouldn’t have believed…but do now.

The gift of time is a bit precarious in that we don’t know how much we have. We really should choose wisely. What if you were handed a bank slip and told that an account has been opened in your name and that you can choose to spend the money in any way you’d like. What if the catch was that you never get to know how much money is in the account. Are you the type who would be careful to optimize the return? Are you the type who would throw caution to the wind?

I believe that a core values mantra is good stuff when thinking about self-management within time. I put it that way thanks to Stephen Covey who reminds me that we don’t manage time, but ourselves within it – one of my favorite Covey lessons (among many). When I think about what to spend my time on, I think about what I believe in, and what’s truly important to me. As mentioned above, we all need to relax and recharge. Is a reality T.V. show a waste of time? How about playing a video game? What about connecting with friends and colleagues on social media, or reading a news feed? How about taking a walk, listening to music, digging in the dirt, starring off into space, or even just zoning out for a few minutes? Who knows? I do for me. You do for you.

That’s the thing. No one can tell you what to do with your time. My suggestion, and something that’s been working really well for me, it to spend it as wisely as possible, and with intention. Connect it to who you are, what you dream about, integrate your activities so that they’re meaningful in multiple ways, and try things that seem as though they could work for you. I think that writing has a positive impact in many areas of my life. In this half hour, I have been finding powerful positive progress in myself as a husband, a father, an educator, and holistically as a person. I truly believe that it’s worthwhile for me, for those I love, and for those I serve. Not a bad half hour.

How about spending time with people? How much time do you spend working out challenges that have something to do with your responsibilities to the people in your life? If you’re in parenting or education, my guess is that it’s significant. I find that the more time I spend with my children, my students, the teachers, support staff, and parents who I work with, and others who are important in my life, the easier it is to overcome challenges as the arise.

What about that student who’s constantly disrupting your lessons? Maybe spending a few minutes each day engaging him in conversation, relating to him, or listening to his thoughts, ideas, or concerns outside of a disruption context could preempt some of the disruptive behaviors. It might even perpetuate an enhanced, joyful experience for both of you. When I spend time with people, intentionally working to understand and make connections with authenticity, an open mind, and open heart, I usually find that it’s time well spent for all involved.

Again, we don’t find time, we don’t make time, and we don’t even lose time. We each choose how to spend the time that we’re given. Relax, recharge, build trusting and positive relationships, work hard in personally meaningful ways, address your health before your ill, connect with the people and things that matter most even before it seems as though they’ve been neglected. Read an extra book to your kid each night. Wake up early, go for a walk, stare into space…do whatever it takes to maximize the gift that you’ve been given. And when you find that you’re not, as we all do at times, try again!

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

July 23, 2014

Conversations Are Wonderful Processing Mechanisms

I had a great conversation with the woman who works the desk at my community gym this morning. It took longer than I would’ve liked, so I tried to rush it at first (and I definitely presented in that way – a lesson in manners that I plan to learn from), but as the conversation went on it proved to be incredibly worthwhile…maybe even a gift. She pushed me to think about and process my leadership practice as it relates to student achievement and wellbeing. Eventually, I did have to excuse myself in favor of a short swim so that I could get to work, but I was able to integrate that conversation into my reflective learning routine. It helped me grow. I need to remember that any and every experience is just that…an experience. None should be overlooked or trivialized. I can be learning in every moment. Conversations are especially viable learning opportunities because they hold me accountable in a unique way. They hold me accountable to the person or people I’m conversing with.

This particular woman knows that I’m in education. She’s struggling to prepare her fourth grade son for the coming school year. Neither of them is thrilled with his placement. They feel strongly that the teacher he’s with is going to affect him in negative ways. She told me that the teacher is extremely negative and that she’s outwardly suggested that the child is a “troublemaker.” This mother feels as though her child is typecast in this classroom. She doesn’t think he’ll have opportunities to feel successful. She insists that this teacher is not capable of respecting or believing in him. She was very emotional about it, and reasonably so. Imagine feeling completely helpless about an entire school year for your child. Whether or not she has an accurate picture, perception often feels very much like reality. So much so that some folks say it is reality.

Intensifying the other horrible feelings was that feeling of helplessness. She told me that she wanted to transfer her son to another school, and that it’s been extremely difficult because the “school of choice deadline” for the neighboring district had past. She asked me to advisor her on how to get around that challenge. I couldn’t. She thought that I would know of a loophole. I don’t. She asked me what I would do if it were my child.

I told her that it might be a good idea to look at these challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, then, if she feels the same way next year, to meet the deadline. I waited for a moment to make sure I was headed in the right direction. That kind of advice can be received in a variety of ways. She smiled thoughtfully and asked me to go on. She needed some tools. She needed some encouragement. She needed some hope. I told her that in my district we work hard to provide a joyful learning experience for every student, and that we do so in an effort to maximize their potential. I insisted that we try to help them explore & discover pathways to achievement, and that I’m certain many educators in her district think along those lines as well, possibly even the teacher in question. Appropriately, she told me that if she were a parent in my district she’d ask how we do that. I thought it seemed like a reasonable question. Possibly even a really good one!

There I stood, the principal of an elementary school, engaged in a conversation with a parent, albeit from another district, but still being asked to explain how my team and I maintain a joyful culture of learning for the students we serve. It was kind of exciting, not only because I enjoy this dialogue, but also because as I mentioned above, it was opportunity for me to reflect on something I’m extremely passionate about. And, it an opportunity for me to get analytical feedback from the real-life parent of a fourth grader…someone well equipped to provide really good feedback on the subject.

We talked about communication and the lack thereof. We talked about assuming positive intentions and being patient with progress. We talked about celebrating that progress and highlighting triumphs. We talked about looking for opportunities to communicate concerns in compassionate ways and being willing to meet in the middle at times. We talked about a positive presence and working to foster independence through the release of responsibility. We talked about advocating for connected services and building trusting relationships with an open mind. We talked about boiling every decision, every action, and ever interaction down to questions like, “How is this going to help my child grow?” and, “How will this perpetuate a joyful learning experience for my child?” We talked about that fact that life ain’t easy, and that when children have opportunities for guided practice in facing life’s challenges, they’re often better equipped to face similar ones with fortitude later on (This will not be the last person who challenges her in these ways). We talked about the situation as an opportunity that might turn out some authentic and meaningful growth for everyone involved. We did not solve the world’s problems, but what a start!

She thanked me, I thanked her, I thought about it as I swam, and now I’m processing it through reflective writing. Conversations are wonderful processing mechanisms, and if you let them, they can lead to positive progress in unique and import ways.

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

July 14, 2014

Appreciating Limitations & Exceeding Potential

There’s a really big blow up slide at the bounce gym where several of my kids’ friends have been having their birthday parties lately. It seems that we’re there all the time. The slide has a nearly vertical climbing path on one side and a pretty darn steep, very slick, inflated plastic run on the other. There’s virtually no possible way to injure one’s self on this particular slide, because it’s big and puffy, and filled with air. You don’t actually bounce while you’re going down the thing, but it is a bouncy slide. If you have little children (or have ever been to one’s birthday party) you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t (or haven’t), it’s not something terribly hard to imagine. It’s a gigantic, colorful, steep blow-up slide.

The thing is, some children fear this beast. My oldest son is one of them. Other children (lot’s in fact) find it fun and exciting. At any given moment, droves of tiny people scramble their way up to the top, they tumble and slide their way down to bottom, and they tend laugh and cheer all the while. There’s typically a crowd of little bodies piled up at the bottom…roaring in wholehearted delight.

For some reason, even though it rarely seems like he intends to give it a go, my son finds it necessary to climb to the top during each bounce party we attend. There he sits, perched aloft what he conceptualizes as a brutish piece of equipment, staring down for a few minutes with folded arms and a scowling face. Then, he either forces tears or deepens the scowl. I ask if he’d like me to climb up so that we can slide down together. Hyper focused on the dramatic overtures, he neglects to answer. I proceed to ascend the climbing path, swarmed by the giggling masses. Twice I’ve overlooked the wearing of socks and had to purchase some wonderfully cozy and profitably priced branded socks sold at the front desk for those of us who do forget. You pay for quality. Following the ascent I slide down with my kid and any number of other’s who care to join us. We dismount at the bottom, shake it off, and move to the next apparatus joyfully.

Over the course of the birthday party tour, there have been variations of that account, and some even have my son displaying degrees of bouncy slide courage, but for the most part he’s particular about how high he climbs, how far he slides, how fast he goes, and various other sundry stuff he does, eats, touches, looks at, etc. He’s the slightest bit quirky in that way. Filled with character I must admit. Incidentally, so am I. While I have wondered about some of my more unique blessings along a spectrum of consternation and gratitude, I’ve grown to understand that not only is it all right, but it’s important to recognize, and even be comfortable with my uniqueness…even in the form of limitations.

Understanding and appreciating one’s limitations, while possibly perceived as a detriment to some, has served as a path-clearer for me; a roadblock-smasher if you will. I’m increasingly less stuck on the things that I can’t or don’t want to do as I get older, and that seems to open spaces in my life for the things I can and do want to do. Occasionally, through a targeted focus on my ever-developing abilities and motivations, I even surprise myself by accepting, enjoying, and even crushing challenges in ways I didn’t know I could. Having some sense of my limitations helps me understand that where I find any bit of potential, it’s likely to be more of a bit than I initially thought. My imagination for, and my excitement over exponential possibilities, tends to grow as I do.

In places where my limitations don’t feel right, I’m learning how to turn to strengths as tools, catalysts, and overcoming-mechanisms. The key for me is being aware of what truly matters in my life. I do that in large part by relying heavily on my core value system. I constantly ask myself if any given challenge that I’m facing might bring me closer to living with joy, to serving with integrity, to highlighting happiness for myself and those around me, to perpetuating a process by which those in my life and learning community feel safe, valued, and excited about individual and collective positive progress.

As I face and feed my potential through reading, writing, discussing, acting, reflecting, adapting, and believing, I work really hard to stay focused on the things that prove meaningful to me. I work equally hard to stay open to the idea that new & equally meaningful things can make their way into my life each day. By the way, I don’t always do it right…in fact, far from it. I can sight several occasions, even in recent days, in which frustration got the better of me, or lingering immaturity reared its ugly head in one way or another, or exhaustion won over patience and calm. That’s all a part of the deal. We human beings get the elation that comes along with learning and growth, and we also get the sting of fallibility, imperfection, and weakness. It’s simply part of the package, and it too is all right. It’s cool. It better be. That’s precisely what I’m writing about now. I’m better when I recognize, accept, seek to understand, and appreciate my humanity. I’m a dreamer, a somewhat naive optimist, and a true believer in the exceeding of potential. As I visualize and work toward exciting and exceptional things for myself and for those I serve, I find that coming around to grounded-ness every so often is good practice.

I’m trying really hard to help my son understand that we each have strengths, and that we’re each challenged by many things. Sometimes we overcome our challenges quickly, sometimes we overcome them slowly, and sometimes we decide that overcoming particular challenges might not be worthwhile (as limited as our time seems to be). I’m trying to help him understand that with all of our similarities, no two people are identical. In one moment he might be wishing that he could ride the slide like some of his friends, and in another moment, some of his friends might be wishing that they could do the robot dance like him (you’ve got to see it to believe it). It’s during difficult moments that we feel the difficulty of the moments. Stepping back, being thoughtful, seeking to understand our motivations and ourselves, working to find where and how we fit in this world, and taking things one step at time, can enhance all of our struggles and celebrations.

How this reflection might help me help kids learn and grow: I have emotions over seeing my children struggle. I have emotions over seeing any children struggle. As a parent and an educator, I want to see all children succeeding in joyful and fulfilling ways. As a person with some grey hairs in my beard and some more on my head, I get that life ain’t always easy. I also get that while many things are out of my control, some are not. I believe that every single child is capable. I am the kind of father and principal who thinks that we need to help children reach and exceed their potential. I understand that if someone’s potential can be exceeded, that it wasn’t truly his or her potential to begin with, but I think we function in phases. Each milestone reached is the key to our amplified capacity. I believe that we don’t truly know what we’re capable of until we challenge ourselves to try, and that when we do we often find that we’re capable of so much more.

From a parenting and educational leadership perspective, I believe we’re serving our children well when we…

…model optimism

…support them in going for broke and in consciously changing direction

…help them identify and appreciate their uniqueness

…expose our strengths and limitations in realistic, developmentally appropriate, and positive ways

…provide them with limitless opportunities to explore their curiosities

…express authentic appreciation for their passions

…encourage the directions that their unfolding interests and abilities lead them in

…care without judgment

…push, and know when to stop pushing

…listen well, learn with intention, find ways to let them lead

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

July 6, 2014

Unsolicited – Some Of The Best Advice I Get

The Story

I was at the doctor’s office with my 3-year-old son the other day. Actually, my wife and I were at the doctor’s office with our 3-year-old son and our 1-year-old daughter. Turns out our little guy hit an impressive growth spurt. The baby-ness has been falling away from this kid for a while, and now…he’s relatively long and lean. He’s number two of three (with number four on the way), so we’ve been blessed with repeated opportunities to watch little ones grow. It’s fun and exciting. What’s not fun or exciting is being shouted at in the whiniest tone imaginable for three straight hours, culminating in a massive whiny fit while contained in the acoustically enhanced closet of an examination room we wait in for half an hour preceding our three minute consult. I can thump a kid’s knee with a rubber mallet and look up his nose with a fancy little flashlight, but my wife insists that we let the professionals do it. She’s probably right.

Now, I consider myself a somewhat tolerant and reasonably patient person, but by the time the doctor opened the door, Mr. long and lean was getting an earful (still screaming and throwing a fit by the way). Have you ever been driven over the edge? Me too. I was wasn’t yelling or shaking the kid, just sternly insisting, “You have got to stop shouting now!” By the way, that doesn’t work. As the doctor walked in I turned to him and said, “I like to model extremely frustrated communication at times like these.” Sarcasm. He didn’t get it. My wife and I had a nice moment. Little guy continued shouting. Enter the unsolicited advice.

“You know, it can be effective to simply ignore this kind of behavior. If he doesn’t think it’s provoking you, he’s likely to stop.” Thank you Dr. Zen Master Guru. What a calm and unprovoked life you must be leading. First of all, you clearly don’t know my child. This love bug is the Energizer Bunny of whiny tantrums. Second of all…what? Are you kidding me? Don’t you have some little rubber mallet, a fancy little flashlight, some knees, and a nose to attend to? Every ounce of blood in my body rushed to very top of my head. It tingled. I forced a smile. It probably looked strange, maybe even frightening, but it was the best that I could do.

As the examination unfolded our little guy continued. He even augmented his fit with some dramatic flailing and guttural coughs, despite the fact that along with his little sister, every adult in the room was ignoring him. Strange. Our combination pediatrician/parenting coach repeated his stellar advice four times over the course of our three minutes. I counted. The blood remained at the top of my head. If I were an orca, it might have shot out through my blowhole.

I felt strangely compelled to explain that my wife and I are reasonably intelligent people, each with at least moderately effective educations, that we have a combined seventy five years of experience as infants, toddlers, tweens, teens, young adults, and even adults on this earth, that we have been parenting collaboratively for five of those years, that we arguably do a decent job much of the time, that this is not our first go around with a whiny tantrum, that I’ve personally been studying and working in child development for about decade, and possibly most importantly…that we’re human beings. I bit my tongue (for the most part).

All was well with the kid. We left. The receptionist handed him a sucker. He stopped crying, fell silent immediately, and even smiled. She’s good.

The Rub

Here’s the rub…it was actually decent advice. I don’t entirely subscribe to the “just ignore him” theory, but it’s not horrible. My wife and I agree on more active communication, and we’ve had extensive conversations about how to proceed with this particular child, but why not listen and learn when the opportunity presents itself. We’re not perfect (I’m not…she certainly closer). Our kid’s doctor was giving us an opportunity to further consider the parenting strategies we choose, to see through his lens, and to think about shifting our energy.

In reflection, I can see that this was also a good chance for me to become increasingly tolerant of unsolicited advice, a good skill for a public school administrator. Furthermore, unsolicited advice might be the best kind of advice available. It often comes when it’s least expected, and when the advice-giver perceives an elevated need. Right or wrong, that’s a worthwhile perception to contemplate if you’re interested in positive progress, learning, and growth. It’s all right to not adapt your thinking and/or your actions to suit any given advice, but why not take it? Also from the standpoint of a public school administrator, I get no shortage of unsolicited advice. Part of my job is not only to accept all of it with humility but also to consider it with authenticity. If I am genuinely seeking to understand and serve each stakeholder in my learning community (and I am), I must truly consider each stakeholder’s perspective.

Value The Giver

To tell a family secret, baked goods go directly to my middle. Because of this genetic inconvenience, I don’t eat every birthday treat that comes across my desk. I do accept each one. I could be mistaken, but it seems that accepting the treat adds to the kid’s birthday excitement. It substantiates the experience. It shows that I am an active participant in the exchange. Arguably, we all might be well served to push for more carrots and fewer cupcakes, but in the meantime, participation in the exciting thoughts, ideas, and moments of other’s lives can enhance relationships, perpetuating positive progress, individual and shared growth, and constructive cultures of collaboration.

Value The Opportunity

Sometimes I do eat the treat. When I do, and it’s good, I’m glad I did. I’m of the opinion that an occasional treat can enhance a person’s life. I have also come to believe that advice doesn’t have to initially present as “good” in order for it to enhance a person’s life. If you occasionally lean toward stubbornness like me, it often doesn’t present that way initially. However, if you’re old like me, you might realize that rumination and reflection, when done thoughtfully, can correct the ills of stubbornness. First impressions are often skewed when it comes to unsolicited advice. As an educational, organizational, and/or community leader, it’s important to value both the giver and the advice.

Valuing the giver enhances the relationship, and valuing the advice enhances the learning. In all of my roles…husband, father, son, brother, friend, principal, and individual seeking to reach, amplify, and even exceed my potential, “take it or leave it” hasn’t proven effective – “taking it” is essential. When I’m at my best, I am able to process any and all advice through a frame of “use it or file it.” That way, even if I don’t see its value, I have it in my toolbox for when my potential does become amplified, and my vision becomes more clear.

New Admin Advice

Thoughtfulness and patience are key traits of effective leaders. Work hard to develop them.

Accept any and all advice. Even if it doesn’t seem useful now, it could prove to be later.

Focus on valuing the people you serve, even through occasional self-perpetuating frustration. Healthy relationships enhance learning.

Eat a really good cupcake every once in a while.

Dream Big. Work Hard. Be Well.

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