It’s extremely convenient that my five-year-old son is in the process of working on developing skills and strategies for dealing with life’s frustrating challenges because coincidentally, so am I.  We’re doing it together.  The interesting part is that I’m forty; forty years old that is.  So here I am, doing all I can to help the big guy get to a place at five that I’m still working on getting to at forty.  Life is truly fascinating!

I watch him struggling to communicate when he’s frustrated and I know that there’s a better way.  I know that even when he doesn’t get to be the line leader, or when one of his ever-growing number of siblings knocks over his Lego tower, or when he doesn’t get enough sleep, or when varied other life events that lead to disappointment happen, there are ways for him to keep his mind settled.  I know that it’s possible to stay happy, friendly, and nice while coping with frustration.  I know it, because sometime I can do it.  In fact, I’m getting better every day.  I’d go so far as to say that I’m pretty good at it.  At the very least I can confidently say that I’m considerably better than I was at five.

I also know that while miraculous and incredible in just about every way, life is filled frustrating disappointments.  I think that I would be doing all of the little ones I serve a real disservice if I didn’t work hard to help them access what I believe to be their innate human capacity to cope with frustration.  I think that we’re all capable of focusing on positive progress and strategies for calming our minds and our hearts when times get tough.  And I think that when we do, the best of life comes clear.

I’ve been using the phrase “Happy. Friendly. Nice.” when he and I face this challenge together.  Whenever he gets really frustrated by some major kid-centric disappointment I remind him that it always feels better to stay happy, friendly, and nice, and that it helps us get better results too.

The other day I heard myself tell him that even when he feels upset it’s a good idea to “keep your mind settled, keep a smile on your face, and treat people with respect and kindness.”  As I said it I realized that it’s something I continue to work on.  I felt like I was giving advice to myself, and if I do say so myself…it was pretty darn good advice!

Again, I do all right at this.  I’ve been working on it for a long time.  I genuinely believe in it.  However, I also drop the ball sometimes.  I dropped the ball a couple of time this past week.  But, as they say, you can’t go backward…only forward.  So, I’ve decided to carry the “Happy. Friendly. Nice.” mantra in my side pocket.  When I start to feel the sting of disappointment brining me down or stirring frustration that tries to pull me toward diminished energy, distraction, negative communication, or any other kind of immature and ineffective result, I’m going to reach into that pocket and pull it out.

Happy.  Friendly.  Nice.  I may not be perfect.  In fact, I’m certain that I’m not.  But I love to learn, and that’s a good start for positive progress and ongoing growth.  Who knows, if I stay on the path I might be extremely happy, friendly, and nice one day!  That’s the plan anyway.  Stay tuned:).

Live.  Learn.  Lead.

 

Dream Big.  Work Hard.  Be Well.