Learning 365

(Critical Thinking About What The World Is Teaching Me Every Day)

#40 Perspective Is Reality

[Lesson Break Down]

Communication is beholden to perception.  In every communication there’s output and input.  The intentions of the one producing the output can easily be muddied by the perception of those processing the input.

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The other day I was playing with my three-year-old when naptime crept up on us.   Neither of us wanted to stop playing.  However, I knew that we would miss our nap window if we didn’t take a break and make the transition.  My son is just like Ian Falconer’s Olivia – he’s supposed to take a nap every day but when the time comes he’s “not at all tired.” Anyway, I told him that we could take five more minutes to play before we had to go upstairs.  Being the negotiator that he is, he countered with ten minutes.  I told him that I’d concede to seven.  That’s when it happened.  With pride and resolve he looked up at me and declared, “One!”  His three-year-old mind wasn’t taking the time to care that one minute is actually less than any of the other options we’d discussed.  He was simply determined to win the negotiation.  When I agreed to the one-minute extension he was thrilled.  He smiled an “I got you” kind of smile and continued to play.  One minute later I informed him that his time was up.  He gladly put his toys down and led me to his room where we read a few books before he happily snuggled in for a nap.

Later that day I saw the toddler perception machine at work again.  This time, my clever three-year-old was taking my enthusiastic one-year-old for a bit of a ride.  It was Lego time.  The bin had just been opened and the big guy was divvying up the pieces.  Here’s how it went, “One for you…three for me.”  The thing is, he said, “one for you,” with such enthusiasm it was almost as if he was giving the little guy a cookie each time he handed him his third of the Legos.  He was so excited to be getting what he perceived to be “big boy” treatment from his venerated older brother.  What a thrill!

The combination of these events has me thinking about the power of perception and how frequently it plays into the effects of communication in my personal and professional life.   That power seems to be important both when I’m communicating out and when I’m processing communication that I’ve received.  How frequently are my intentions lost by way of some seemingly unimportant communication misstep?  How often do I attach erroneous intentions to the messages I’m receiving from my colleagues or my loved ones?  What impact does perception-based miscommunication have on the development of relationships, productivity, organizational culture, achievement of goals, etc.?  I’ve brainstormed some scenarios in which perception might have been working against effective communication in my daily life so that I can think critically about enhancing my output and input on a go forward basis.  Here are 5 things to consider about digital communication – specifically with regard to e-mails:

1.  Taking for granted that someone is reading a digital message in exactly the way it was intended can be a mistake.

2. Likewise, making assumptions about potential negative intentions behind a confusing received digital message can lead to further confusion and potential problems.

3. Assuming positive intentions goes a long way when communicating digitally (or otherwise for that matter).

4.  Messages with no subject line or with the entire message in the subject line are easily confused.

5.  It’s nice when people personalize digital messages by including a greeting and signature line.  It really only takes a moment and I think it goes a long way.